The Delusion of the Democratic Party

How my "nauseous hope" was a gut response to Democratic party elites being out of step with We the People. And, how can we honor these raw feelings & harness them to build forward?

I am aware that this is a profound moment for the American public, and for humanity. And in such a moment of despair for so many of us (and glory for others), it is easy for those of us in despair to begin to make sense of this moment by seeking to hold our leaders accountable, or blame someone.

I am inviting myself, and each of us, to discern between blame and accountability.

I do not seek to blame the leaders whose actions led us into this mess of a moment, but I do seek to learn about how we got here, hold leaders accountable, and pivot toward a more whole and humane strategy for moving forward.

As it turns out, when we fight, we do not win. We need to do more than fight, actually. We need to build community, consensus, and care if we want to win elections.

Photo taken in June 2016 during Trump’s first rise to power, in Stratton, VT.

Like so many millions of Americans (69.2 million, to be exact), I nauseously hoped that Kamala Harris would win the presidency and keep Donald Trump from returning to power.

I deeply felt the profound significance of a woman—a feminine archetype—rising to power to lead humanity during this fragile and fractured time. I wept with joy on the morning of Election Day, as I felt the weight and significance of what it meant for all of the women I love, and for the feminine in me, to see a woman—and a Black and South Asian woman—step in the White House as President of the United States.

That hope was, and still is, real.

And yet in hindsight, I now know there was a deeper wisdom to the nausea I was feeling. The nausea in my body was the embodiment of the internal dissonance I felt between 1) the idealism of the Democratic Party narrative (“Joy is back!”) and 2) the very real pulse of collective economic suffering I was sensing in the American electorate.

The moment I saw President Joe Biden withdrew his candidacy from the 2024 Presidential race, I felt a wave of relief and enthusiasm—as I know many people did. I instantly thought, “This is what needs to happen if we want to prevent Trump from rising to power!” I felt excited.

And while I know there was very little time to select a new nominee, the speed at which Democatic Party elites backed and installed Kamala Harris as the candidate without the participation of the people felt really off to my democratic impulses. In democracy, you need the will of the people to successfully build momentum and elect candidates.

As soon as I saw the party falling into line behind Kamala Harris so quickly, I was deeply concerned. So much has changed in our world in the last 4 years, and election contests are the opportunity of the party—and the people—to sort our their differences and refine their vision for the future of our republic. Without the tension and healthy conflict that good faith primary elections bring, a candidate lacks the real strength of the people behind them.

My frustration is best reflected in my comment to former President Barack Obama in his Facebook post following the election results:

The Democratic Party has failed the American People. Had Joe Biden committed to a one-term presidency, and had the DNC given the people of the party a chance to vote and back a candidate of our choosing rather than party elites installing a candidate of their own selection, perhaps the values of our democracy would have prevailed. As you know, primary elections are how you build consensus, motivation, and momentum. The DNC should be ashamed for thinking it knows better than We The People of the party. Kamala Harris gave a great performance, and she surely got my vote. But my gut never felt good about this installment without including voters. I prayed the Party's bet would work successfully, but work it did not. And now we all suffer.

Let me be crystal clear: I would love to see a Black, South Asian Woman in the White House!

And let me also be clear: I am frustrated, and even angry, with the Democratic Party. Joe Biden. The Obamas. Even Oprah and Taylor.

I voted for Kamala Harris. I truly wanted the DNC strategy to pull through. But nausea told a different story—a somatic data point that no poll could measure.

Right now, I feel that our party leaders have failed us. And in a sense, I feel some relief. I’m less nauseous. I’m no longer lying to myself and hoping that the leaders of the empire will save us.

I know there is so much a stake now for so many marginalized people. My relief does not erase my deep concern and despair. And/but, I think it’s okay to feel the relief of returning to reality. Now we have an opportunity to come home to ourselves, to soberly reckon with the actual problems we face, and to show up for ourselves and our people from a place of resolve and renewed purpose.

The empire is not going to save us. We must hold each other close now. We must be the caretakers and stewards of our democracy. Afterall, “politics” simply means “of the people.” So now, we must return home to the real work: taking care of us and becoming the leaders we wish we could see.

I wish I was living in the world where Kamala Harris won the presidency. But I don’t get to live in that world. We have sobering work to do on the road ahead, so walk gently and firmly.

Take care of yourself, because you deserve care. Touch grass. Lay in a field. Ask nature for insights to questions that modernity cannot address. Be kind. Walk firmly, and gently. Notice where reactivity leads you, and return home to your center. Phone a friend. Gaze into the eyes of a stranger, or a beloved, or both.

“Be in real life” as my friend Andrea Ward Berg says. Set digital boundaries. Notice when you are being activated by addiction to stress, choas, and media (that heppens to me a lot).

Invest in the communities and people around you. Hug someone a little longer, a little tighter. Be generous outside the bounds of capitalism. Ask someone with a marginalized identity how you can support them. Ground. Practice. Breathe longer and deeper. Get off social media.

Sending lots of love for these days ahead, dear ones. We can do this. We were made for this moment, and we are made for these times.

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Here are 2 upcoming opportunities to practice being in community and supporting one another, one virtual and one in-person:

• If you are seeking some support setting boundaries and creating a better relationship with technology and social media, join us for Detox from the Digital Self: A 36-hour Break from Technology, a virtual community support group coming up next week.

• And if you have the resources and time, consider joining me for a 4-5 day workshop in Big Sur, CA at the Esalen Institute the first week of December for In Our Hands: Reclaiming the Lost Self from Technology, a Digital Liberation Workshop